“Looks” African

Here’s a riddle: What do Angelina Jolie and Fidel Castro have in common? First let me state baldly but not immodestly: I’ve been watching and researching around celebrities for a living and unwittingly have become more expert at it than anyone I know.

Have you ever heard the term “vicious narcissist”?

It applies to virtually each and every surgically or media enhanced person in the world.

My experience watching such folk was as a journalist and finally as a v.p. at Warner Brothers films and then running Michael Douglas’s production company.

The riddle’s answer: Angelina Jolie and Fidel Castro are masterly politicians and attention-getting vicious narcissists. The politician Fidel is a genius. He’s bullied and fended off the most powerful country in the world—and then when everyone slathered in anticipation of chaotic revolution at his retirement or demise, he engineered things so that his brother could be “acting” dictator while Fidel declines unstressed.

Nobody’s better at manipulating public opinion and power except perhaps Jolie. Think of her separation agreement with Brad Pitt as the equivalent of the ailing Castro appointing his brother to the throne. Of course no one can tell if Brad and Angelina don’t do anything terribly obvious that the alliance is failing. But the couple has their freedom now—freedom from each other—big time.

Angelina Jolie first captured my interest when she necked with her brother after winning an Academy award for a so-so yet tailor-made performance as a nut-job in “Girl Interrupted”.

The woman is a natural attention-grabber who can parlay a quick scanning camera shot to instant celebrity.

She never employed a publicist to deal with such as People magazine, preferring to gab on the phone with dazzled editors herself. Thereby prompting US magazine to take a few ineffectual swipes at her.

Brad Pitt was “it” boy and having a serious persona crisis–one minute he was a jewelry designer then he was an architect– when she beguiled him, convincing him to save children with her (sure – fire way to complicate her bad girl image) and she rode him to the top. Claiming that

they were just friends until Pitt publicly disposed of Jennifer Aniston. Their movie “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” was so lacking any heat that one can only wonder if she was simply using her cunning to trap him – ie faking sexual excitement in private moments as well.

Lately, alas, reports of keeping a vial of Billy-Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck and tattoos everywhere (I wonder about her tongue) have paled. It’s time to move on to the next blazing, anti-social act which will reinforce her celebrity and her compulsion that all eyes be on her.

Jennifer Aniston adroitly played the situation for all it was worth. Paparazzi and gossip columnists always somehow found her and simultaneously quoted her dismay and courage as Brad Pitt’s new woman swaggered over her latest triumph. Aniston (who I think is somehow cooler looking than Pitt–she has a unique face–not one like every gorgeous fashion model–cleverly parlayed the “love triangle” to appear on more woman’s magazine covers than just about anybody–and a bigger place in the pantheon than ever before.

Phew.

There’s one terribly important reason to pay close attention to these human-shaped monsters—whatever rules they’re breaking –legal or those of conventional morality—we’ll be breaking them in five years or less.

Plastic surgery, babies without marriage licenses, lying through pr people—these things have already happened.

Hang in—God only knows what’s next!

And p.s. the final piece of the Angelina manipulative cover up is the recent People magazine cover featuring Jennifer Aniston and her single life after Brad. Connect the dots. Aniston can’t object to yet another People cover sparked by Jolie and Brad and we are assured by it that she and Brad are not reuniting. When and if they do it will be the best career move she and Brad Pitt ever made. And the unusual trio will have our unblinking attention which will result in mega bucks in salaries.

One Response to “Looks” African
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    June 4, 2011 | 8:12 pm

    Heya, just thought i’d leave a comment saying keep up the good work! =D

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